My karma was immediate, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
The exact situation, roles just reversed.
I dare to admit that the timelines lapsed; judgment clouded by rose-colored glass.
Sometimes it feels like I’m the collateral damage.
Gasping for breath, swatting waves away as if it’ll change anything;
But it doesn’t and it won’t..Though I can pretend, right?
I feel as if I’m in the spotlight, but not on a stage.. Instead it is pointed to my soul that lies dead on the beach.
Emptiness is a curse, but some say a blessing;
Meaning that you’ve been through the worst, and there’s only up from here.
“You won’t be put through what you can’t handle in life,”
I call bullshit.
Grief is overwhelming, even when you have decent or ‘good’ days..
And people tell you they know how strong you are, but they have no idea the physical pain, let alone the emotional trauma.
“You have no idea what rock bottom is,” were the words I heard as I fell to the kitchen floor.
“He’s gone, I’m so sorry, he’s gone..” Repeated quietly in my ear, but I couldn’t hear over my own unintelligible sobs.
No matter how many times I explain only PARTS of the story, because it’s just too much to comprehend.
I have love and support, but as fucked up as it sounds;
I want the love and support that I can no longer have.