I remember being told that the definition of insanity is doing something the same way over and over, expecting different results. Today, that point of view is hitting me hard. Even if that’s not the literal definition, does it not make you think? Why do I continue using a method that obviously does not work? Why do I keep thinking, “Maybe this time,”? At some point, shouldn’t I just take a step back and stop? Why didn’t I? Why did I keep pushing forward and pretending everything was okay when it very obviously wasn’t? Because I didn’t want everybody to see me in a negative light.
Recently, I’ve found myself spinning in a circle. I don’t know up from down. I don’t know the person that’s smiling at me in the mirror, but she’s wearing my clothes. I don’t feel like myself, I feel more like a shell. I say I’m processing, but really, I’m drowning in the constant reminder because I saved it all, and I feel sick when I see your face and I hear your voice.. Will you always haunt me?
Today, I miss the simplicity of Tumblr. On Tumblr I never had to search for the right words, or retype three sentences six times. I could post a picture and a song and everybody knew exactly how I was feeling. I’m presently at a loss for words. I am filling every second of free time I have with music, because I feel unable to express my emotions, the music just makes it bearable.